Entry Submitted by GK at 8:23 PM EDT on August 21, 2019
(Remember these were written in 2002)
CAVE MEN WITH TRAVEL VISAS DECLARE WAR ON USA
Cave dwelling men from a humid rocky country declared war on America and pledged to blow up Condoleeza Rice. Which made them hungry for Condoleeza Rice a spicy Mediterranean dish prepared with chicken hearts and accented with curry, paprika, and baked on a rock in plain scorching daylight. After dinner they got on an airplane where they were welcomed into America, issued an alias, gun, box cutter and a map of well insured buildings.
The immigration office and INS put their hands over their eyes and counted to ten yelling for them to, “GO!” The cave dwelling men enrolled in flight school but told the flight school instructor they were only interested in serving coffee, tea, and nuts. Florida and Texas who figure prominently in all insane things issued a statement on Brown skin people. “Brown skin people must declare their intentions before taking a step in any direction. DNA samples will be appreciated and help with yard work.”
The Cave Dwelling men were last seen on public access on a show called 12 steps for terrorists…Step one admit you have a bomb. The cave dwelling men declared on the seldom watched channel that they would be blowing up something big, big, big…But were waiting for the CIA to tell them what, when and where. They also stated that an undisclosed harem of virgins would be waiting in a Swiss bank account after they blew up Condoleeza Rice. Which made them hungry for Condoleeza Rice again and “bomb something angry” that Dominoes didn’t have Condoleeza rice as a topping.
HIGH DEFINITION TOASTER TO OVERTAKE INDUSTRY
The long awaited new 4 dimensional sliceomatic HD toaster with the Whirlybird ZQ 7 hydrocondenser will make toast in the future even toastier. High definition toast or HDT not only toasts the bread but butters it and in the comtron XZZ model, can actually open tightly sealed Jelly jars while sending the warm toast to breakfast tables via the internet.
HDT was first developed by NASA who planned on putting cinnamon toast on the moon by the millennium. Although the moon is now littered with the burnt remains of failed toast launches, in 1998 a bagel broke the sound barrier by landing lightly toasted near a crater which has since been filled with low sodium cream cheese. "Toast has entered a new era" Said one scientist who added, "Although I'm not sure why."
GOAT FARMER SHELLED INTO STONE AGE
Abdul Ali a 70- year old goat herder who has lived in the Afghanistan desert his entire life was bombed into the Stone Age Thursday. “My stone chair is pile of pebbles, my rock bed is dust…my ox drawn boulder is hamburger and dirt.” He said staring at what was once one of the nicest huts in Sandstorm Hills a closed community of wealthy goat herders whose assets were said to be in the 12 to 14-goat range. Vowing revenge on the infidels who did this Abdul sharpened a rock and started walking west. He will be here in twenty years but by then America will be named Pepsi which should confuse him.
Collin Powell said, “Don’t worry…We are going to have the CIA give him swimming lessons.”
OPERATION "LET'S MAKE THEM EVEN MADDER" LAUNCHES TODAY
George Bush announced a 5-point plan because the Israeli star has 5 points. “4 more then the one under my golf cap.” He said showing off his math skills. The 5-point plan was to piss just about everyone off by bombing them for no good reason. “Oil, diamonds, gold, heroin, and cheap labor will contribute to our decision but right now we are looking at bombing Mexico because it is close, big hats make good targets, plenty of brown skinned people, and all those beans should contribute to a gas explosion that I’ll be able to see from my porch in Crawford.” The president glanced at one of the robosuits behind him and said, “Mexico is south right?”
The man who had no neck had visible difficulty in nodding but stomped twice on the wood floor to indicate ask Carl.” Bush went on to explain that any country that took naps in the afternoon deserved to be woke up kind of sudden like. The 5-point plan is as follows.
TERROR UP 73%
Washington DC (Diet Cola)
In a poll taken of scared shirtless citizens in August by the White Shirt poll group the question was asked, “How terrified are you?” Respondents overwhelmingly said they were, “Very scared.” A follow up question was asked, “What are you most afraid of?” To which 73% of Americans cited, “Terror.” This sweeping majority of Americans are scared of terror.
When asked what form that terror takes in their minds they cited, “Brown skin people yelping high pitched screams while strapping bombs to their pizza men and their parmesan cheese being tainted with anthrax.” When asked if they felt this fear was irrational 71% said, “Sorry what was the question again, I was watching a minor celebrity eat a bug on minor celebrities poop their pants for love.”
The White shirt poll group could not be reached for comment. Apparently they were busy answering their own surveys using different pens, pencils and hands to disguise their handwriting. When questioned about this deception the White Shirt poll group pointed and said, “Isn’t that Saddam Hussein and ran off across the fairway leaving a trail of brightly covered tees falling from their brightly colored pants. As it turns out it was indeed Saddam Hussein who seemed most comfortable when his ball trickled into the sand trap. As he hacked away at his ball--- weapons of mass destruction fell out of his mustache. Quickly realizing his mistake Saddam pretended to be a Mexican groundskeeper and denied any familiarity with the English language.
______________________________________________________
If you wish to contact the author of any reader submitted guest post, you can give us an email at UniversalOm432Hz@gmail.com and we'll forward your request to the author.
______________________________________________________
All articles, videos, and images posted on Dinar Chronicles were submitted by readers and/or handpicked by the site itself for informational and/or entertainment purposes.
Dinar Chronicles is not a registered investment adviser, broker dealer, banker or currency dealer and as such, no information on the website should be construed as investment advice. We do not support, represent or guarantee the completeness, truthfulness, accuracy, or reliability of any content or communications posted on this site. Information posted on this site may or may not be fictitious. We do not intend to and are not providing financial, legal, tax, political or any other advice to readers of this website.
Copyright © 2019 Dinar Chronicles
(Remember these were written in 2002)
CAVE MEN WITH TRAVEL VISAS DECLARE WAR ON USA
Cave dwelling men from a humid rocky country declared war on America and pledged to blow up Condoleeza Rice. Which made them hungry for Condoleeza Rice a spicy Mediterranean dish prepared with chicken hearts and accented with curry, paprika, and baked on a rock in plain scorching daylight. After dinner they got on an airplane where they were welcomed into America, issued an alias, gun, box cutter and a map of well insured buildings.
The immigration office and INS put their hands over their eyes and counted to ten yelling for them to, “GO!” The cave dwelling men enrolled in flight school but told the flight school instructor they were only interested in serving coffee, tea, and nuts. Florida and Texas who figure prominently in all insane things issued a statement on Brown skin people. “Brown skin people must declare their intentions before taking a step in any direction. DNA samples will be appreciated and help with yard work.”
The Cave Dwelling men were last seen on public access on a show called 12 steps for terrorists…Step one admit you have a bomb. The cave dwelling men declared on the seldom watched channel that they would be blowing up something big, big, big…But were waiting for the CIA to tell them what, when and where. They also stated that an undisclosed harem of virgins would be waiting in a Swiss bank account after they blew up Condoleeza Rice. Which made them hungry for Condoleeza Rice again and “bomb something angry” that Dominoes didn’t have Condoleeza rice as a topping.
HIGH DEFINITION TOASTER TO OVERTAKE INDUSTRY
The long awaited new 4 dimensional sliceomatic HD toaster with the Whirlybird ZQ 7 hydrocondenser will make toast in the future even toastier. High definition toast or HDT not only toasts the bread but butters it and in the comtron XZZ model, can actually open tightly sealed Jelly jars while sending the warm toast to breakfast tables via the internet.
HDT was first developed by NASA who planned on putting cinnamon toast on the moon by the millennium. Although the moon is now littered with the burnt remains of failed toast launches, in 1998 a bagel broke the sound barrier by landing lightly toasted near a crater which has since been filled with low sodium cream cheese. "Toast has entered a new era" Said one scientist who added, "Although I'm not sure why."
GOAT FARMER SHELLED INTO STONE AGE
Abdul Ali a 70- year old goat herder who has lived in the Afghanistan desert his entire life was bombed into the Stone Age Thursday. “My stone chair is pile of pebbles, my rock bed is dust…my ox drawn boulder is hamburger and dirt.” He said staring at what was once one of the nicest huts in Sandstorm Hills a closed community of wealthy goat herders whose assets were said to be in the 12 to 14-goat range. Vowing revenge on the infidels who did this Abdul sharpened a rock and started walking west. He will be here in twenty years but by then America will be named Pepsi which should confuse him.
Collin Powell said, “Don’t worry…We are going to have the CIA give him swimming lessons.”
OPERATION "LET'S MAKE THEM EVEN MADDER" LAUNCHES TODAY
George Bush announced a 5-point plan because the Israeli star has 5 points. “4 more then the one under my golf cap.” He said showing off his math skills. The 5-point plan was to piss just about everyone off by bombing them for no good reason. “Oil, diamonds, gold, heroin, and cheap labor will contribute to our decision but right now we are looking at bombing Mexico because it is close, big hats make good targets, plenty of brown skinned people, and all those beans should contribute to a gas explosion that I’ll be able to see from my porch in Crawford.” The president glanced at one of the robosuits behind him and said, “Mexico is south right?”
The man who had no neck had visible difficulty in nodding but stomped twice on the wood floor to indicate ask Carl.” Bush went on to explain that any country that took naps in the afternoon deserved to be woke up kind of sudden like. The 5-point plan is as follows.
- Launch untested bombs to test them.
- Put fingers in ears.
- Try not to drop the dog.
- Pave the Rio Grande
- Celebrate at Taco Bell.
TERROR UP 73%
Washington DC (Diet Cola)
In a poll taken of scared shirtless citizens in August by the White Shirt poll group the question was asked, “How terrified are you?” Respondents overwhelmingly said they were, “Very scared.” A follow up question was asked, “What are you most afraid of?” To which 73% of Americans cited, “Terror.” This sweeping majority of Americans are scared of terror.
When asked what form that terror takes in their minds they cited, “Brown skin people yelping high pitched screams while strapping bombs to their pizza men and their parmesan cheese being tainted with anthrax.” When asked if they felt this fear was irrational 71% said, “Sorry what was the question again, I was watching a minor celebrity eat a bug on minor celebrities poop their pants for love.”
The White shirt poll group could not be reached for comment. Apparently they were busy answering their own surveys using different pens, pencils and hands to disguise their handwriting. When questioned about this deception the White Shirt poll group pointed and said, “Isn’t that Saddam Hussein and ran off across the fairway leaving a trail of brightly covered tees falling from their brightly colored pants. As it turns out it was indeed Saddam Hussein who seemed most comfortable when his ball trickled into the sand trap. As he hacked away at his ball--- weapons of mass destruction fell out of his mustache. Quickly realizing his mistake Saddam pretended to be a Mexican groundskeeper and denied any familiarity with the English language.
______________________________________________________
If you wish to contact the author of any reader submitted guest post, you can give us an email at UniversalOm432Hz@gmail.com and we'll forward your request to the author.
______________________________________________________
All articles, videos, and images posted on Dinar Chronicles were submitted by readers and/or handpicked by the site itself for informational and/or entertainment purposes.
Dinar Chronicles is not a registered investment adviser, broker dealer, banker or currency dealer and as such, no information on the website should be construed as investment advice. We do not support, represent or guarantee the completeness, truthfulness, accuracy, or reliability of any content or communications posted on this site. Information posted on this site may or may not be fictitious. We do not intend to and are not providing financial, legal, tax, political or any other advice to readers of this website.
Copyright © 2019 Dinar Chronicles
0 Comments: