Entry Submitted by GK at 2:17 PM EDT on August 22, 2019
Voting Machine Gives Voters Election Day Off
The latest touch screen voting machine held a press conference Thursday announcing that it had the future elections completely under control and that voters shouldn’t worry their busy little heads over getting to their local polling place. “I will vote for you because I not only have the time but I am a computer and therefore smarter then any individual human being. I will look at the records of all the candidates and make the logical choice that best suits the needs of Israel... I mean America.”
Alice Crumpkowski, a single mother of three who usually votes Democrat was relieved to hear the news, “I have soccer practice, dance rehearsal and day care pickups to deal with after work. If this computer could pick up my kids and make them dinner I would say we as a technologically advanced society had finally reached the Utopian plateau but since that would be asking too much I am delighted with this news. Kentucky Fried Chicken is on the opposite side of town, there is construction near our polling place and any machine that will spare me that kind of hassle gets a kiss from me.”
Fred Stank of Bolingbrook Illinois said, “I vote Republican and just looking at that glistening machine I can tell it will clearly elect a Republican House of Representatives. Any machine that stands up so straight and is so articulate can only be a Republican programmed machine. I bet it’s even a pretty good golfer.”
Jenny Hysteriaski had a different point of view as a leftist liberal. She demanded that the voting machine vote democrat or she would kick it in its circuit board and throw hot coffee in its memory board. "It is the only way to keep our country rational" She explained.
The new touch screen machine designed by Diebold is currently vacationing at its ranch in Texas where it apparently ropes and brands its own cattle. A machine like this is testament to American ingenuity and foresight. In a photo op wearing a tall white Stetson hat the voting machine winked at some guy in a dark suit who remained expressionless.
STAR TREK PHASER PHASED INTO LOCAL POLICE DEPARTMENT
LAKE COUNTY ILLINOIS-The Deerfield Police Department will be the test pilots for the Star Trek inspired Phaser guns. A small device that sits in the palm of the hand with two settings, STUN and KILL will be tested by The Deerfield Police Department who are very excited about it. Stun will make a person do this strange little arch of the back , moan and fall to the floor out cold and "Kill" will do the same only you're dead. Police are being asked to set the guns on stun. Said one officer, "They're really cool. I just wish they put some kind of icon on the settings to indicate which was which. Luckily we've been practicing on dogs at the Humane Shelter. Light Saber night sticks are slated for a future test pilot program.
Trump Is Thinking About Presidential Run
Donald Trump told Oprah Winfrey that he is considering a Presidential run and his platform will be everyone gets a car. She said, hey that is a great idea. Trump added, the reason being is if I don't save the country from liberal bias the liberals will pass laws that make it illegal to build towers everywhere.
"Towers?" Oprah asked.
"Yes Towers named after me everywhere, and even worse, liberals want abortion robots to be programmed to make house calls."
"Abortion robots?" Oprah looked confused.
"Don't worry, my space force will destroy them."
"Space Force?"
Trump then moonwalked off stage singing Beat it by Michael Jackson.
"Wow that man knows how to enter and exit with showmanship doesn't he?" Oprah declared.
With 40 minutes left to kill Oprah began handing out cars.
______________________________________________________
If you wish to contact the author of any reader submitted guest post, you can give us an email at UniversalOm432Hz@gmail.com and we'll forward your request to the author.
______________________________________________________
All articles, videos, and images posted on Dinar Chronicles were submitted by readers and/or handpicked by the site itself for informational and/or entertainment purposes.
Dinar Chronicles is not a registered investment adviser, broker dealer, banker or currency dealer and as such, no information on the website should be construed as investment advice. We do not support, represent or guarantee the completeness, truthfulness, accuracy, or reliability of any content or communications posted on this site. Information posted on this site may or may not be fictitious. We do not intend to and are not providing financial, legal, tax, political or any other advice to readers of this website.
Copyright © 2019 Dinar Chronicles
Voting Machine Gives Voters Election Day Off
The latest touch screen voting machine held a press conference Thursday announcing that it had the future elections completely under control and that voters shouldn’t worry their busy little heads over getting to their local polling place. “I will vote for you because I not only have the time but I am a computer and therefore smarter then any individual human being. I will look at the records of all the candidates and make the logical choice that best suits the needs of Israel... I mean America.”
Alice Crumpkowski, a single mother of three who usually votes Democrat was relieved to hear the news, “I have soccer practice, dance rehearsal and day care pickups to deal with after work. If this computer could pick up my kids and make them dinner I would say we as a technologically advanced society had finally reached the Utopian plateau but since that would be asking too much I am delighted with this news. Kentucky Fried Chicken is on the opposite side of town, there is construction near our polling place and any machine that will spare me that kind of hassle gets a kiss from me.”
Fred Stank of Bolingbrook Illinois said, “I vote Republican and just looking at that glistening machine I can tell it will clearly elect a Republican House of Representatives. Any machine that stands up so straight and is so articulate can only be a Republican programmed machine. I bet it’s even a pretty good golfer.”
Jenny Hysteriaski had a different point of view as a leftist liberal. She demanded that the voting machine vote democrat or she would kick it in its circuit board and throw hot coffee in its memory board. "It is the only way to keep our country rational" She explained.
The new touch screen machine designed by Diebold is currently vacationing at its ranch in Texas where it apparently ropes and brands its own cattle. A machine like this is testament to American ingenuity and foresight. In a photo op wearing a tall white Stetson hat the voting machine winked at some guy in a dark suit who remained expressionless.
STAR TREK PHASER PHASED INTO LOCAL POLICE DEPARTMENT
LAKE COUNTY ILLINOIS-The Deerfield Police Department will be the test pilots for the Star Trek inspired Phaser guns. A small device that sits in the palm of the hand with two settings, STUN and KILL will be tested by The Deerfield Police Department who are very excited about it. Stun will make a person do this strange little arch of the back , moan and fall to the floor out cold and "Kill" will do the same only you're dead. Police are being asked to set the guns on stun. Said one officer, "They're really cool. I just wish they put some kind of icon on the settings to indicate which was which. Luckily we've been practicing on dogs at the Humane Shelter. Light Saber night sticks are slated for a future test pilot program.
Trump Is Thinking About Presidential Run
Donald Trump told Oprah Winfrey that he is considering a Presidential run and his platform will be everyone gets a car. She said, hey that is a great idea. Trump added, the reason being is if I don't save the country from liberal bias the liberals will pass laws that make it illegal to build towers everywhere.
"Towers?" Oprah asked.
"Yes Towers named after me everywhere, and even worse, liberals want abortion robots to be programmed to make house calls."
"Abortion robots?" Oprah looked confused.
"Don't worry, my space force will destroy them."
"Space Force?"
Trump then moonwalked off stage singing Beat it by Michael Jackson.
"Wow that man knows how to enter and exit with showmanship doesn't he?" Oprah declared.
With 40 minutes left to kill Oprah began handing out cars.
______________________________________________________
If you wish to contact the author of any reader submitted guest post, you can give us an email at UniversalOm432Hz@gmail.com and we'll forward your request to the author.
______________________________________________________
All articles, videos, and images posted on Dinar Chronicles were submitted by readers and/or handpicked by the site itself for informational and/or entertainment purposes.
Dinar Chronicles is not a registered investment adviser, broker dealer, banker or currency dealer and as such, no information on the website should be construed as investment advice. We do not support, represent or guarantee the completeness, truthfulness, accuracy, or reliability of any content or communications posted on this site. Information posted on this site may or may not be fictitious. We do not intend to and are not providing financial, legal, tax, political or any other advice to readers of this website.
Copyright © 2019 Dinar Chronicles
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